Light of the Sun
by HellieEllie
Summary: A re-telling of Godric's storyline from the point of view of his human companion, Ellie OC .
1. Once Upon a Time

_This is my first True Blood fanfic. I tried to stay as close the the show cannon as possible, but some had to change obviously. Story is written in first person, inspired by the style of the Sookie Stackhouse books. Ellie is an original character, the rest is based off of True Blood Season 2 and Godric's storyline. Hope you enjoy. :)_

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><p>I don't even know where to begin. I guess, the beginning? That's where life stories usually start. But this isn't so much my life story as, well, an "important part of my life story." Or a "love story." Or a "how I almost died" story.<p>

I'm getting ahead of myself already. My name is Ellie, short for Helen, which I never go by because it sounds like an old woman's name and I'm not an old woman. Yet. It means "light of the sun," which is sadly ironic as I'm sure you'll appreciate later. My bandmates call me Hellie, which they think is funny, because, you know... Hell. Where the vamps are from. Or are going. Or whatever.

I'm 26, which as the cliche goes means "I'm old enough to know better but too young to care." Something like that. I've lived in Dallas all of my unfortunate life. Well, it's not really been that unfortunate, just the living in Dallas part. I pretty much hate it here, but there are a few decent clubs in Deep Ellum for my band to play. The hipsters and frat boys seem to like us enough. Moderately heavy rock band fronted by a short, curvy tattooed chick with Bettie Paige black hair. Dyed of course. The mousy brown crap I was born with went as soon as I was old enough to operate a bottle of hair dye.

Music is the one thing I do love. To put it in more dramatic terms, the only thing I knew how to love before him. I grew up with it in the house and my mom taught me how to sing and play piano at a young age. I was writing songs by the time I was a teenager and had a full fledged band by 20 that has morphed over the last few years as members have come and gone. Drug additions. Creative differences. Typical shit that messes with getting a good record deal.

I think she was always disappointed I didn't use my talent in a more traditional and constructive fashion. Classical piano, lounge singing, anything that would have brought in a more steady paycheck than my current gigs. But that just wasn't where the cards lay for me. As Joan Jett said, "I love rock and roll." In more quiet times though, I do still enjoy writing and playing on the piano.

As I said, downtown Dallas still has a few good places to play and in the last 2 years, since the vamps came "out of the coffin" (I really hate that phrase) it has become much more lively. The scene had been dying for a while until everyone discovered the undead. People wanted to be out at night, curious about our new "friends." Vamp clubs popped up next to typical dive bars and they were packed every night. Dallas quickly became known as one of the most vampire friendly cities in the U.S. Hotel Carmilla is right downtown and is fully equipped to serve our new sunlight allergic citizens. It is swanky as hell and right next to a couple of the clubs we like to play.

And that's where I met him. I'll never forget it. I won't say it was something cheesy like love at first sight. It's just more like, you don't forget the first time you lay eyes on perfection. He stuck in my head from the first time I saw him and just didn't ever leave. I'm not sure if it's a vamp thing or what. Probably not, seeing as how I'd met other vamps and was always less than impressed.

We were done with what was a typical, but good, show. The crowd seemed to dig us and a few people were even singing along. We'd gotten a bit of a following in town lately and it was nice. We did our usual post-show meet, greet, ass kiss then pack up our shit routine. There had been a lot of vamps around that night and I wasn't the only one to notice. Johnny, my drummer, had become quite the little fangbanger lately. He wore the scars on his neck with pride even though I figured they'd end up getting his ass killed at some point. I think he'd even been messing around with V, which was a serious no-no. People had discovered that drinking even a little bit of vamp blood could get you rather fucked up. I told him, and anyone else who ever came near me with the crap to keep it away from me. Despite the stereotypes, not all band hooligans like myself were druggies. I hated the stuff. I don't even drink alcohol any amount to speak of. One of the few ways in which I regard myself as being on the straight and narrow. And no fangbanging for me. I just didn't see the appeal. The couple of loser druggies I'd dated in the past were dangerous enough for me. I didn't need one who also wanted to eat me for dinner.

"Best sex ever," Johnny would insist. No thanks, really. I was never into the BDS&M thing either and I'd heard the undead liked it rough. Getting beaten up is not a turn on. But that night Johnny insisted that I go with him to the Carmilla. Begged actually.

"You'll be my wingman, er wingchick, er whatever," he said. So after we finished packing up, sent the rest of the band on their separate ways for the night, Johnny and I headed to the hotel lounge so he could attempt to pick up a chick. A vamp chick. As much as I didn't want to, I really had nothing better to do and watching Johnny make an ass out of himself wasn't something I'd pass up.

We got to the hotel and Johnny sauntered up to the bar like he belonged there. He ordered us some drinks while I found a quiet table off to the side. The place was beautiful and I'd been there a few times before. Modern furniture. Everything in black, red and white. A great mix of high class and very, very low class. Across the way some vamp was feeding on a human chick. Typical tarted up blonde thing in a skimpy dress and heels. I began to wonder if I was even dressed right to be there. I was in my typical "show" attire. A white tank top, jeans and black converse. Hair down but a bit of a mess and makeup mostly sweated off. Singing, well mostly screaming, for an hour on a stage with a bunch of lights can get hot and wear you out. There's no point in trying to look all fancy. I'd rather be comfortable.

"I don't want to look like we're on a date or somethin'," Johnny said, returning to the table with our drinks.

"Then go on, go scope out a chick. I'll be here when you get shot down." I laughed at him. I'm not sure he understood the role of a wingman...wingchick. He went off to go chat up some blonde at the bar who was holding a bottle of True Blood and left me at my table, alone with my drink. I sat there for a while, just watching people go by, checking out the vamps and the desperate little fangbangers. I'm not sure I'd thought it out too clearly because being left alone for long just wasn't something that was gonna happen to a human chick in a place like this.

It wasn't very long before I was being hit on. By a vamp, no less. He was tall, dark hair and eyes, scruffy face, total slick "rhinestone cowboy" type, hat and all, with a deep southern drawl. Despite growing up in Texas, I always take pride in the fact that my accent is not that pronounced.

"Hey there little lady," he said, looking me up and down as he helped himself to a seat. "You look familiar, where do I know you from?"

"I have no idea," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"I know... I know... You're in that band. You played at the Green Room next door tonight. I saw you there. What brings you over to the Carmilla tonight?" he said with a sleazy grin.

"I'm here with a friend." I tried not to make too much eye contact. I wasn't into this dude and I didn't want him using that creepy vamp mindfuck shit I'd heard about to change my mind about it.

"Well you sing awful nice, despite that music not being to my normal liking. It sounds so angry. What are you so angry about little girl?"

He was picking up my disdain and antagonizing me about it, I could tell. You'd think beings as powerful as vampires wouldn't need to be bullies. And you'd be wrong.

"Being hit on by undead shit kickers."

Oh shit. My mouth. It had a habit of getting me in trouble. Often. You'd think I'd know better than to talk shit to someone that could literally break me in two in a second. And you'd be wrong.

He was standing over me, fangs bared, right in my face before I even knew it. Fuck. The tough girl act was out the window and I was scared out of my mind.

"Stan!" I'd heard a voice call out from behind him though I couldn't see who it was. "I think she'd like to be left alone."

The voice was cold, calm and obviously carried some weight, seeing as how the cowboy, Stan as I now knew, backed off immediately. He was pissed but he withdrew his fangs and walked away, staring holes through me as he went.

"Yes, sheriff," he said.

Then I got a sight of him. The voice, a weird accent I couldn't place. My valiant defender, as it were. If I believed in angels, I might say they sang. Or something equally as majestic.

To say he was different is an understatement. From all I'd seen, Dallas vamps were leather-bound cheeseballs or hopped up undead cowboys. But he was neither of those things. He was short, not too much taller than me, with short brown hair, big grey eyes, pouty lips and was beautiful. Fucking gorgeous. His clothes were plain. Light brown, cotton or linen stuff. Soft and definitely not cheesy black leather. A strange black tattoo peeked out from his shirt collar that I immediately noticed. I always noticed people with ink, seeing as how I have a near full sleeve and upper back piece myself.

"Thanks," I choked out sheepishly as soon as I found my voice again.

He stared at me intensely, making me uncomfortable in my own skin. I might as well have been sitting there naked or something. After a moment he broke his gaze and began to turn and walk away. I didn't want him to leave.

"Sheriff? What does that mean? Is that your name?" I asked stupidly.

He turned back to look at me with the faintest of smile. I amused him. This was good.

"It means nothing."

"Then what is your name?"

"Godric," he answered. He spoke slowly, cold and flat. Carefully considering even the easiest of answers.

"Well, then thank you Godric."


	2. Curiosity and the Cat

A week or so passed and I hadn't seen him again, despite being downtown almost every night and playing a couple more shows. Johnny found it strange that I was the one to ask if we could go back to the Carmilla. I was really curious about him. Well, obsessed really. After doing some asking around, I found out that "sheriff" doesn't exactly mean nothing. It means something. It means a hell of a lot actually. This Godric, that had called the cowboy off from eating me alive, was the head of all the vampires in the Dallas area. Area 9, I had learned.

So I got all dolled up, which for me meant a little black dress with spaghetti straps so you could see all my tats, black patent heels that I hated, hair down to my shoulders and in a soft curl with blunt bangs. Oh and pink lipstick. My one girlish indulgence; pink stuff. I love pink stuff.

I headed back to the Carmilla, Johnny in tow. We got there and went into our usual routine. He was off scoping chicks while I was in the corner, brooding and keeping an eye out for my new found interest. I sat there an hour or so, drinking alone and warding off sideways glances from vamps and human dudes alike. Until Johnny came back, all excited and hanging off the arm of a tall, dark haired vamp chick wearing, you guessed it, leather.

"We're going back to...," he paused blankly, obviously having forgotten her name.

"Margret," she said, giving me the once over.

"Margret's place. Her lair," he said, drawing out the word trying to sarcastically sound mysterious or something. "A vamp nest in Uptown. Wanna go?"

Well shit. I hadn't seen him here tonight so what the hell. Maybe some of these Uptown vamps would know Godric. Nest. What kind of a word is nest anyway? They aren't birds.

"Fine. You need me to drive?" I asked.

"You follow. I'll ride with Margret."

We got to the house pretty easily and I was surprised at how normal the neighborhood was. Normal and rich. Really rich. The house was a gorgeous modern build on a big lot with a line of fancy cars out front. I followed them inside feeling a little out of place and more than a little creeped out. The house was packed with vamps and humans, their pets I guessed. Soft music played under the low hum of the crowd. The house was swank. Really nice. Modern furniture. Dark simple colors. A girl could get used to this.

I blended in fairly well. What's another tattooed chick with black hair to a bunch of vamps? I broke off from Johnny and his new friend and wandered the house aimlessly for a while, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. I grabbed a drink, took my usual wallflower pose and scanned the room.

I had to hold back a smile when I saw him through the crowd of moving people, sitting on a white leather couch in the living room. When I saw my opening I swallowed, gathered up my courage and went over.

He looked up at me slowly with his stoic, beautiful face. In this light he looked really young. A lot younger than I had thought the first time.

"Mind?" I asked, motioning to the empty seat on the couch next to him.

He nodded silently and motioned for me to sit.

"Godric, right?" I feigned coolness.

"Yes," he paused a moment. "And you are?"

"Ellie. Or Hellie. But mostly Ellie."

A tiny smile and a nod. That tiny smile again. Not a man of great expression or many words, this one.

"So, it doesn't mean nothing. The sheriff thing, I mean. It doesn't mean nothing, like you said it did."

"Indeed." He remembered me, I could tell.

We went on like that for the rest of the night. He was kind, patient and generous in indulging my barrage of stupid questions, though careful to not say too much. Secret vampire business I guess still has its...secrets. I'm still not sure why he bothered to take the time with me, of all the people in the room. Of all the people who were always around. But he did.


	3. The Best of Times

Thinking of those first few months feels good. It was good. Everything was new and exciting. Godric was new. And exciting.

In addition to continuing to play shows regularly with the band, I'd gotten a solo gig playing the piano at the Carmilla lounge. I'd been spending more time with the Dallas vamps and had befriended Isabel, who got me the gig. She was one of Godric's underlings and was always good to me.

He came to watch me play at the Carmilla as often as he could. I think he always had a love and fascination with music, though I don't think he ever learned to play anything in his own two thousand years. Learning about vamp society was difficult enough but that is the one thing I would never get used to. Being around someone who had existed for over two thousand years. I say it even today and can't wrap my head around what that even means. That many years. Essentially the whole of Christian history, at least, and he'd spent all but 18 years of it as a vampire. His human life was so far away. So tiny in comparison. So insignificant. A blink. With most vamps you can still see their human life. Even if they are a hundred years old. There is still something there you can relate to. Something you can wrap your head around. Something you'd learned about in history class. But not with Godric. He was so far beyond all of them. So much older. So incredibly different. It was, at times, scary. Uncomfortable. Just plain weird. It makes you feel small. It made me feel very small. But despite amounting to what is essentially an ant next to a tiger, he saw value in me where I even questioned it in myself.

What the fuck could I even be to him? Nothing. Less than nothing. A flash in time. I wrestled with it often. It's not something I'd had to think about before. The insignificance of my own existence in comparison. It took a while before I told him all of this. How he made me feel tiny yet somehow important all at the same time. How I was totally emotionally spent for him.

It took weeks before I even touched him. I just hadn't realized what I was getting into that first night I had come to the lair, his home. That's the problem with people like Johnny. With fangbangers. They make it seem like all vamps want, all people want, is to use each other and spit you out when they are done. It's all so shallow. They are shallow. But he isn't.

That night we sat at his home. One of the few nights of peace, as everyone was gone and we were able to spend some time together. I started talking and didn't stop. Spilling my guts about all this deep shit I was thinking about. Feeling about him. About the situation.

"They are all full of shit, Godric. What have they done with the time they've been given? What? Anything? Have any of them even created art? Music?"

"Not many, no." He was contemplative, deep in thought. I'm not sure he'd met many young human women who even bothered to think of such things. Maybe it's why I interested him. He was sick of the shit too.

"Wastes of perfectly good immortality. Someone like Stan."

He smiled a little at my grumpy quips. That tiny smile again. It was rare and beautiful. I walked over to where he was standing and smiled, braving up enough to touch his cheek.

"You should do that more often. You are really beautiful you know, when you do."

"It's not often I have a reason."

"So, you think I'm funny? I make you laugh?" I said playfully poking at him. "But haven't you heard it all before? Every joke."

"No," he smiled.

We stared quietly at each other for a moment. You get used to the uncomfortable silences hanging out with vampires. Most of them don't feel the need to fill every moment with words. It was nice. So much less bullshit and discussions of the weather.

His face quickly turned back to its somber stoic self. I'm not sure what it was. I think he felt a measure of guilt. A need to keep a distance from me, rather than hurt me. There was something to it but I'm way too stubborn to let that stand. I broke the silence with a brush at his shirt collar, motioning to the tattoo of black spikes that trailed across his chest.

"So are you ever gonna tell me what it means?" I didn't bother taking my hand off his shoulder.

"And this? What does it mean?" he replied, running his hand along the multicolored floral piece that covered most of my arm.

"It doesn't mean anything," I answered truthfully.

"It doesn't mean anything," he lied.

He didn't like to talk about the past, which is understandable. I probably didn't want to hear most of it anyway. I know I didn't want to hear it. I just wanted to know him as much as I could. There was dark stuff in there. You don't live two thousand years as a vampire without doing some really dark shit. I knew that much at least. You'd think it would be scary but it wasn't. He wasn't. He was the most calm and gentle person, vampire or not, that I'd ever met. It wasn't that he couldn't hurt me. It was the he just didn't want to. My heart felt the wall go up that he put between us. It was colder than his skin and I hated it.

"You know..." I looked into his big grey eyes. "Whatever the hell it is. Whatever it is you carry around with you. I see it. I see its weight on you and I know it's heavy. I get it. I really do. You don't have to tell me. But whatever it is, this shit you've done. Shit that you hate. I hope you can find a way to let it go."

Because I think I might love you. I kept that part of it to myself.

I closed the distance between us, said "fuck it" to myself and kissed him. His lips were cold and he didn't return the gesture. Defeated, I slowly opened my eyes and started to turn away. If it wasn't going to work it just wasn't going to work.

Before I could fully break away he pulled me back to him, hard, and kissed me back. And holy shit was it worth the risk. If there was any question what he might have been feeling it was answered. Well and good answered. It was beautiful, intense, frantic and everything that little fangbanger Johnny had said it would be, minus the BDS&M crap because that is just way too cheesy.


	4. His

I was "his." In human terms, girlfriend. In technical vampire terms, which I mostly hated, human companion. What a stupid term, companion. What am I, a pet? A dog? He had assured me it meant nothing of the sort and was just a vampire formality. The label granted me protection and a certain amount of power as it turns out.

"Oh, you are Godric's," was said often enough with a level of curiosity and envy. "What's so special about her?" is what it really meant. But I took well to the title. Being the chosen one to one of the most powerful vampires in Texas, or in the world for that matter. It might have gone to my head but I respected Godric's style. He wasn't a power hungry leader. He was subtle, kind and fair. Respectful and patient in times where I couldn't have been.

After a while I had moved entirely out of the apartment I'd been sharing with the band and into Godric's home. The communal vampire living thing always bugged me but it was his tradition and I respected it. The house was beautiful and I loved it. I had it almost entirely to myself during the day, as none of the other human companions were allowed to live there. I kept it clean, which wasn't normally like me but I didn't have much else to do in the day. I still only worked at night, playing shows with the band or at the Carmilla almost every night. Practicing with the band or writing music by myself at the house during the day. Godric had bought me a gorgeous baby grand piano that I could play as loud as I wanted. Sleep of the dead and all. The vamps weren't waking up on account of me.

I was happy. I grew more comfortable and he grew more quiet. He fed less often, though I told him I was there any time he needed or wanted me. I came to see the whole being bitten thing as more loving and less of a kink than I'd orginally thought. He needed me to live as much as I needed him. I could have lived like that forever, though I'm not much to think of the future.


	5. Missing

But things don't stay simple forever. They actually can get very complicated, in fact. I had gone out of town for a week long tour with the band. We'd gotten a string of out of town gigs that I couldn't pass up. I didn't like leaving him but he couldn't and wouldn't want to go with us.

We said goodbye one night and at the time it seemed so normal. It's not unusual for Godric to seem serious. Hell he's almost always serious. But I think about it now and it hurts. He wasn't just telling me goodbye. He was trying to tell me the big goodbye.

We'd finished packing our stuff into the van and they were waiting on me. We were going to start driving at night because it's so damn hot in Texas during the day. I was lingering, not really wanting to leave. I hadn't been very far away from Godric in a long time and I hated thinking of him at the house without me.

"Come the hell on Ellie, dammit!" Johnny shouted from the van.

I stood in the doorway, giving Godric a last hug goodbye. He petted my hair and looked in my eyes with a sadness I didn't quite understand.

"I'll only be gone a week or so. It's no big deal. Now quit it before you make me cry or something stupid."

He stood there for a moment, silently holding my face in his hands, staring through my soul in that way he does.

"I love you." He didn't say it often and neither did I. It was a little surprising but sweet at the same time.

"I love you too, but I've gotta go." I gave him a peck of a kiss and ran off to the van, figuring he was just in a mood or something. It was sweet knowing that he was going to miss me while I was gone.

The tour was typical, not too eventful. The shows were fun and the reception was great. We were doing well and I was happy about it. Not hearing from Godric for a few days wasn't a big deal. I like to think we weren't some clingy couple and that he respected my space as much as I did his. Until I got a phone call from Isabel.

"Hey Isabel, what is it?"

"Ellie, dear," she paused silently. Something was wrong. "You need to come home, now."

"What Isabel? What the fuck? We have another show tomorrow. I'm not meant to be..."

"Ellie," she interrupted. "It's Godric."

"What!"

"He's gone missing."

"What the fuck, Isabel? Missing? How's that even possible? Are you sure he's just not having one of those days? He likes to go off by himself sometimes you know."

"Just come home. Now." She hung up the phone curtly.

I freaked out. This had to be bad if she was calling me home like this. I told the band and they were pissed but took me to the Houston airport anyway. I could get there quicker on a flight than driving the full length of the state back home. I got on the first plane I could and was home that day barely after dark. The cab dropped me off in front of the house and I raced inside to find a bunch of people I didn't know standing in my living room. Aside from Isabel and Stan there was a brown haired vamp with a cute blonde girl and a towering blonde man who was no doubt a vamp as well.

"Isabel!" I ran up to her frantically, ignoring our guests and interrupting their conversation. "What happened? Where's Godric?"

Before she could even answer I looked around the room and continued my barrage of questions. "And who the fuck are these people?"

In a split second, the tall blonde vamp had me by the arm and pushed me up against a wall.

"What do you know of Godric's location?" he asked coldly, his icy blue eyes staring down into my face. He towered over me by over a foot. If I ever felt short, it was then. He was intimidating, but I'd dealt with worse. I had plenty of practice holding my own against big, old vampires dealing with Stan on a regular basis.

"Get off me!" I yelled, trying to squirm out from his grip futilely. "And who the fuck are you? Get your fucking hands off me!"

"She could be the traitor," he said to the group, his grip not budging from my arm.

"What the fuck?" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "This is my fucking house and you need to get the fuck off of me now!"

"She's telling the truth. She doesn't know anything!" the blonde girl piped up, obviously scared.

"Well no shit honey. Have you not heard a word I've said?" I shot back, frustrated as hell.

"Eric, let her go," Isabel said firmly. "Let her go. She is Godric's."

He released me immediately, pushing me away with a look of confusion and disgust. Eric. I knew that name sounded familiar.

"Eric Northman?" I asked to no reply. It was all becoming too much. Godric was gone. I was being accused of being a traitor for I had no idea what. I broke down and started to cry. Desperate, I went to Isabel again.

"Isabel, please tell me what is going on."

She guided me to the couch to sit and explained the situation. They suspected that he had been taken by the Fellowship of the Sun, a radical anti-vampire church in Dallas. I was shocked. There was absolutely no way that could be. I insisted over and over again. There is no way a bunch of bible-thumping lunatics could overpower him. No way in hell. It was crazy talk.

They introduced me to the vamp and human couple, Bill and Sookie and explained her unique talents and how they planned to use them to find Godric. She had offered to go undercover in the church, read people's thoughts and find out if they had him. Stan disagreed, of course. He wanted to storm the church, kill them all and ask questions after. I didn't say it but I agreed with him. Fuck those nuts. They deserved what was coming if they took Godric. I'd kill them myself if I could.

Isabel and Sookie vouched for me in all of the traitor business. Someone had sold us out to the church but it sure as hell wasn't me. I would never do anything to hurt Godric. If my screaming and weeping didn't prove it, at least it helped. Eric left me alone but I could feel him staring at me through my back.

I knew his name alright. And if he was here it was truly bad fucking news. Despite our agreements to not talk about the past, I'd asked Godric a few things that he was willing to answer, one of them being if he'd ever turned someone. I knew very little of their history, only that it was long and dark. They had spent nearly half of Godric's life together. I never thought I'd meet him myself and I frankly didn't want to. I didn't like what Eric represented in Godric's life and I truly believe that what peace and respect for human life he had found in the past few years was as a result of being away from Eric. And I think Eric's reaction to me had attested to that. I assumed his disgust with me had meant that he didn't know or had assumed Godric would never take a human companion. Very old vampires don't usually like being wrong.


	6. Curiosity and the Other Cat

I was emotionally spent. I told everyone to let themselves out when they were finished talking and went to my room to take a shower. I locked the bathroom door and sat on the floor of the shower as the hot water ran over me. My guard fell like a ton of bricks and I cried like a baby. I knew of that church and I knew what they wanted to do to vamps. Killing the sheriff of Dallas would be quite the token victory for those fanatics. Anger started to well up inside me and I punched the walls of the shower until my hand hurt. I don't like feeling so powerless. I knew Isabel's plan was the right thing to do but it killed me to have to wait on the sidelines. I'd offered to go with Sookie to infiltrate the church but that was a laugh. As if I could ever pass for one of them.

After ending my pity party, I got out of the shower and dried off, changed into my pajamas and left the bathroom to find Eric sitting on my bed.

"What the fuck are you still doing here? Get out." It's frustrating sharing a house with vamps and not getting the option to magically kick their asses out when you felt like it as you would if it was a human home.

"You were making quite a bit of noise in there. I was worried," he said with a cold sarcastic smirk.

My knuckles were still red and scraped from the tantrum.

"Cut the shit. What is it that you want from me?"

He sat there quietly, willfully ignoring my question, examining me like I was some sort of lab rat. After a moment he got up and moved toward me, again towering over me and backing me into a corner. He was starting to scare me but I didn't show it.

"You can't touch me. If you hurt me he'll know it."

"Hmm.." He was thinking hard about something but I couldn't tell what. Sizing me up I guessed. "I'm just curious about Godric's pet, that's all."

"I'm not a fucking pet!" I pushed back against him. He didn't budge an inch but that wasn't really the point.

"Strong willed. Stubborn. Erratic," he paused. "Passionate."

"You don't know anything about me."

"Full of energy and life. Young and very human."

"What is the point of all this?" I asked, exhausted.

He backed away and left the room without an answer. My best guess was that he was just curious about me. Curious about what Godric saw in me and why I was chosen. Things I was often curious about myself. Either way, I was relieved to finally be alone and have some silence. I curled up in bed and slept away the wait.


	7. The Waiting Game

It had been two days and plans had gone to shit. Sookie wasn't back and everyone was starting to worry what had happened. Isabel and Eric and gone to scope out the church and see what was holding up Sookie and Hugo. Rather than taking me to the Fellowship, she had taken Isabel's straight laced looking human Hugo. I never really liked him despite my friendship with Isabel. He was a lawyer and a creep in my eyes. He'd fit right in with those bunch of kooks.

I was getting stir crazy waiting at the house for some news. What the hell was taking them so long? Stan was there and was starting to make a ruckus. He was gathering vamps and I had a bad feeling about what his plans might be. I caught his attention as he was talking to a group in the living room and called him into the kitchen with me.

"Stan," I swallowed all my pride. Confiding in, or asking for help from Stan was a new low for me. But desperate times call for desperate measures. I knew, whether he admitted it or not, he had always secretly liked me. It chapped his ass that I was with Godric and he knew how to show it.

I drew in close to him, put my hands on his shoulders and looked up into his eyes with a cold, dead seriousness.

"Stan, if they hurt him..." I didn't need to finish the sentence. He knew what it meant.

He smiled that sleezy smirk, proud of himself. "I've got it taken care of honey."

He winked at me, kissed me on the forehead and went off with the group of vamps that were leaving the house. Stan was probably the only person who hated the Fellowship more than me at that point. I knew sending him in there would be a slaughter but it's not like I could have stopped them anyway. He was set on his own plan and I just wanted Godric back, whatever the cost.


	8. Reunions

My excruciating wait ended as I heard cars pulling up to the house much later that night. I had been dozing on the couch but I popped up and ran outside to see who it was. The first people I saw were Bill and Sookie. She looked like hell but was alive and in one piece so that was a good sign. I met her as she got out of the car.

"Sookie, are you ok? Where's Godric?" I was scared to hear the answer.

"I'm fine," she answered and motioned to the car that followed in behind them. It was Isabel's and she had a passenger. He was barely out of the car before I bolted up to him in tears. I squeezed him so hard and never wanted to let go. He held me quietly.

"Are you alright? What did they do to you?" He looked fine, as did everyone. No blood. No one was dead. Not what I was expecting at all. I petted his face and looked in his eyes desperately.

"What happened, Godric?"

He kissed me on the forehead and broke away from my grasp. "I can explain later."

I sighed with relief and followed everyone inside. Slowly, people began to trickle into the house. Stan showed up and was obviously rather pissed. I was scared shitless that Godric might find out what I'd said to him. He never approved of Stan's more direct approach to conflict resolution.

Godric was quiet and consumed with everyone around him so I let him be for a while and took Sookie back into my room to get cleaned up. If he wasn't going to talk to me, maybe she would. I let her use my bathroom to wash up and gave her some of my clothes. The crap they made her wear for her Fellowship visit was atrocious. She seemed pretty upset.

"What happened in there Sookie? Please tell me everything."

It was bad. She and Hugo and been held hostage by the church who had apparently been keeping Godric as well. I still didn't know how the hell that was possible. She told me how Godric had saved her from one of the church assholes who was trying to rape her. It made me sick to my stomach. What the fuck was wrong with these people? They had, as we thought, planned to roast Godric in the sun that morning. My heart sank.

Apparently Eric had offered himself in place of Godric which was a turn of events I'd never expected. Stan had, in fact, stormed the church and almost slaughtered everyone in it. But Godric wouldn't let him. He'd stopped all of them and prevented what would have been quite the bloodbath.

"Why?" I asked her, frustrated. "They wanted to kill you, and him. Why did he just let them go?"

"I don't know, Ellie. He just did. He wants peace between the vampires and humans."

"The Fellowship of the Sun doesn't want peace."

"Ellie," she looked at me, concerned. "Godric did the right thing. He is kind and forgiving. You are lucky to have him." She patted my hair and left the room to go join Bill.

I got cleaned up and put on a little black dress, seeing as how an impromptu party was springing up at the house. A party I'd rather not have to attend, but nevertheless. A moment alone with Godric wasn't going to happen any time soon. So I sat with him as he greeted guests and they lined up to pay tribute. A typical vamp custom for someone in a position of authority.

I shifted uncomfortably as Stan approached to welcome Godric home. I wouldn't make eye contact, but he looked at me knowingly. I had no doubt my trust in him would bite me in the ass at some point. A young blonde guy came up, Jason Stackhouse, Sookie's brother and apologized for what had happened. I couldn't bite my lip.

"You were with the Fellowship?" I accused, trying to choke back my anger.

Godric looked at me, patted my arm as to calm me down and assured Jason that he was appreciated and welcome in our home. It took all the strength I had not to act out but I didn't. As the line of people had dissipated, Isabel came in, visibly upset, with Hugo in tow. He was covered in dirt and had obviously had a bit of the shit kicked out of him. That slimy little fuck had been the one to betray us to the Fellowship. I couldn't stand to look at him, or at Isabel in so much pain. She didn't deserve his backstabbing. I was scared for him as well as myself. Something like this did not do well for the reputation of the humans closest to vamp leadership. I already felt there were those who didn't trust me anyway and now this asshole had blown it for all of us. But his fate was of Godric's choosing and he chose to be merciful. He let him leave, though Stan would have seen him ripped to shreds I'm sure. My heart ached for Isabel. Her pain at losing him was obvious though she was relieved he'd been allowed to live. I wanted to get up and hug her but I kept my position. The world was starting to crumble.

Eric came in the room, motioning for others to leave, obviously wanting to be alone with Godric. I gave him a bit of a death glare and slowly took my leave, trailing my hand along Godric's arm as I left. He had better not forget who's house he was in tonight.

I took the opportunity to hunt down Jason Stackhouse. I had a few questions for him. He was talking to some girl by the fireplace when I came up and grabbed him by the arm.

"I need to borrow your friend for a moment," I sniped as I led him off to a quiet corner away from the crowd.

"So," I put on my most intimidating voice. "You were with the Fellowship, huh?"

"Yes, ma'am, but that was a big mistake. A mixup. I had no idea..." he trailed off.

"Don't call me ma'am. Fuck. What am I a schoolteacher?"

"Sorry, I.." He was a bit scared of me. Good.

"Look. I just want to know how they took him. How could a bunch of stupid fucking religious fanatics take Godric? He's the most powerful vampire in this city. This state."

"I have no idea, miss. I wasn't there. I didn't even know they had taken a vamp."

I was getting frustrated with him. This whole situation wasn't making sense and someone needed to speak the fuck up and fast.

"If you are fucking lying to me, I swear to God."

"I swear. I swear. I didn't know. And I'm sorry. I really am. I'm sorry they took your...boyfriend... It was wrong."

Before I could continue to give him the third degree we heard a scuffle in the living room and went to see what it was. Sookie was screaming in the face of some brunette in a red dress whom I didn't recognize. Bill was trying to break them up but in a flash she had Sookie down on the table, ready to bite. Jason and I both ran forward but before we could get to her Godric had the vamp by the throat and off of Sookie. I didn't know who this chick was, but everyone knows better than to start a fight in this house. Godric wouldn't stand for it for even a second. That's part of what I loved about our home. It wasn't a typical scummy vamp nest. I always felt safe there.

He put her in her place quite easily, though I'd never really had to see him do something like that before. I could feel his frustration building. If he wanted peace, everyone else in the damn world didn't and they were working against him. I felt guilty of it even myself. I was letting my anger at the Fellowship fester and it was going to get the best of me if I let it.

Bill turned to escort the woman out of the house and I went to Godric. I took his hand and we went to the other room, hoping to get out of the spotlight for even a moment. We didn't speak but I hugged him and just wished the world would go away. I wanted some quiet and for this fucking night to just end already. So did he. We weren't so lucky.


	9. The Worst of Times

Things starting spiraling out of control with a bomb blast. One of those Fellowship of the Sun fucks had made his way into the lair strapped to the hilt with a bomb made of silver. In a heartbeat it exploded and sent the house reeling. I was still holding Godric when we hit the floor with a loud thud that knocked the air out of me. The sound was horrific. People were screaming and blood was peeling from the walls. I was coughing and sputtering, trying to breathe. My head was pounding and blood streaming down my face. I think I'd caught the edge of a table or something on my way down.

"G...Godric..." I managed to squeak out. He was up almost immediately, brushing debris off of me and checking out my damage. He healed so quickly, what cuts and scratches he had I could see closing up already.

"Ellie," he looked at me as he held me, still on the ground. He brushed the hair and blood out of my eyes and immediately took to his wrist to give me some of his blood. I didn't like having to take it and it wasn't something he too freely gave but I'd had it before. The healing power of such an old vampire was incredible. He'd given me a drop or two in the past after seeing me suffer with terrible migraines. Not that anyone knew about that.

I grumped a little before taking it and immediately the pain began to subside and the bleeding stopped. He brushed my hair aside again, checking the spot where the gash had been. It was gone and I was thankful to be alive. I stayed sitting on the floor, head in my hands and shaking as he left to check on everyone else.

It was a disaster. The house was mostly destroyed. My home. I was lucky to be alive but it wasn't much comfort. Why was all of this happening? What had gone so terribly wrong?

I couldn't stand the sight and sounds of it all so I got up, made my way to my room to grab a change of clothes and went outside. I was relieved to learn that only a couple vampires and their humans had been killed. I didn't know any of them, except for Stan. I felt sick.

I waited outside on the curb as everyone gathered up and planned to leave. The Carmilla was a safe place and we could all stay there until we figured out what to do. The drive to the hotel was silent. I didn't have the words and neither did he. We checked in, and went to sleep for the day without speaking a word.


	10. Goodbyes

I woke up that afternoon and ventured back out to the house. The cops were there and it was marked off as a crime scene. They didn't want to let me mess with anything but I talked them in to letting me come in to get some of my stuff. I grabbed a couple suitcases and filled them with our clothes, some jewelry and personal things. It was difficult to see the place that way. My piano was totally fucked. I swept rubble off the bench and pressed at the keys and it made an awful sound. Part of the roof had fallen in on it.

Fucking Fellowship of the Sun.

I took my time about it but was back at the Carmilla by dark. I went back up to our room to wake Godric in my typical fashion. I'd crawl on top of him, give him a kiss and say "Good night, moonshine" instead of "Good morning, sunshine" as my mom always used to say to me. As much as I wanted to pretend everything was normal, it definitely was not. Something was weighing on me that I wanted to be wrong about. We needed to talk and it wasn't going to be easy.

"Godric," I said, motioning for him to sit next to me on the bed as he finished getting cleaned up and dressed.

"Please talk to me. I really can't take this silence anymore. And I'm really scared."

He sat with a pained look on his face and placed a hand on my back. I dropped my guard and let my suspicions be known. It was time to face up.

"You say you love me, right? And I believe it. I do. But... You don't trust me."

"I do love you, and I do trust you Ellie."

"Then tell me what happened. Be honest with me."

I couldn't hold it in any longer and a tear rolled down my cheek.

"They didn't actually take you did they? I was right when I said they couldn't." I looked at him, trying to read his face.

"You were right." Our eyes met.

"What the fuck? Why? What were you expecting to accomplish? They hate us," I emphasized the word. It wasn't only vampires that they hate. They hated people like me too.

"You had to know what they wanted. They wanted a token vampire to kill, Godric. Why?"

"I know what they wanted."

Reality came crashing down around me. It felt like a crushing weight. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be.

"You wanted to die?" I pulled away from him in anger.

He didn't respond. He didn't need to. I walked away from him, face in my hands, sobbing. I was devastated, furious. I wanted to scream, hit him, anything to make him feel the pain I was feeling but all that came out were whimpery tears.

He came up behind me and held me shoulders as I wept. I really wanted to punch him.

"Ellie, I can't do this anymore," he finally said honestly. "And this is no life for you."

I turned to face him.

"You don't get to decide what fucking life is right for me! I do!" I shouted, my anger turning to weakness and desperation. "This is the life I want. I want you."

"You have so much beauty to give the world. Please Ellie, give it. I have nothing. I can only create suffering, pain and death."

"That's not true! It's not. We need you here Godric. You saved Sookie's life and mine, and so many others. Do you count that as nothing? Do you count me as nothing?"

Silence was his answer. He held my face in his hands and wiped away the tears. It was done. The decision was made and I wasn't a part of it. I collapsed into his arms and wept. At least now he didn't get the easy way out. He had to face me and explain himself rather than disappearing off into the night without a word. After a moment he broke away and looked me in the eyes.

"Let me make you forget. It will be so much easier for you."

"No!" I screamed and pushed him away with disgust. He'd never glamoured me before and I sure as hell wasn't going to let him now. "No! How dare you? You'll take everything away from me and leave me here alone. Let me have my grief."

I couldn't look at him any longer. It hurt too much. I went to the bed and sat with my head in my hands. A knock came at the door. He was being summoned to a meeting with the head of the American Vampire League. Before he left he came and knelt in front of me.

"I do love you. Goodbye Ellie."

I couldn't speak.


	11. Burns

I sat on the floor in the hallway outside my room. It was down the hall from where they were meeting with that vampire spokesmodel bitch Nan Flanagan. They all exited the room and went their separate ways, Eric and Godric heading down the opposite direction in the hall. Sookie saw me and came over to where I was sitting. She took my hand and led me back into the room. I don't know what he had said but I assumed the truth was now known. She looked at me sympathetically and gave me a hug.

"Where did they go?" I asked.

She paused for a moment, not wanting to answer. "They were going to the roof."

I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth, knowing what that meant. The sun was coming up soon and Helen "light of the sun's" lover was going to meet it. And die.

"I have to go," I said.

"Ellie," she insisted. "Let me. Look, I'm not one to tell you how to live your life or make your decisions. But I can tell you this from experience, you don't want this to be the last memory you have of him. Ellie, please trust me, you don't want to watch him burn."

I started sobbing again, hearing the words made it real. She was kind and held me as I cried.

"Maybe you're right."

"I'll be back. Just stay right here. And stay strong Ellie, ok?"

I nodded silently and sat on the floor.


	12. Aftermath

All the life was draining from me. My emotions sat in the pit of my stomach like a brick. My world was well and truly fucked and there was nothing I could do about it. I walked to the window and watched the sun rise over the buildings downtown. It had been so long since I'd watched a sunrise. I'd say it was beautiful if it didn't also make me want to die.

It was done. Part of me didn't believe it was real. I went running out of my room, down the hall and up the stairway to the roof. I met Sookie on the stairs as she was turning to come back inside. I could see her tears and knew it was real. I grabbed her and held tight, crying into her shoulder.

"Let's go inside," she said.

"No. Just give me a minute."

She followed me as I went up onto the roof. It was empty. I slowly walked over and found his shirt lying on the ground. Picking it up, I sat there for a moment where it had been. I clutched it to my chest and my face went blank. I'd cried myself dry. Empty inside.

"I'm so sorry, Ellie."

I was done talking too. We went back inside and she came with me to my room. She sat on the bed as I went into the bathroom and locked the door. I just wanted to be alone. My pain started to turn to anger and it took over. I was furious at him. At the Fellowship. At the entire world. Furious and completely alone. Our blood bond had been broken and I felt so empty. I didn't realize how strong it had been.

The last thing I remember before it starts to get a little fuzzy is punching the walls. And the mirror. Somehow I had smashed it with something and the glass shattered all over the floor. I faintly remember Sookie's voice outside the door trying to get me to let her in but I didn't. It went quiet, I sat on the cold bathroom tile, picked up a piece of glass and started cutting. I'm not sure what I was doing or why. I certainly hadn't planned to commit suicide.

I sat there, stone cold faced and watched the blood pour out of my arms and legs. You get used to the sight of it hanging around vampires for so long. My eyelids got heavy and I must have passed out.

The next thing I remember is Eric holding my head up and yelling at me to drink. Sookie had woken him and he'd come and bashed the bathroom door in.

"Drink, dammit," he shoved his wrist into my mouth and I swallowed. He pulled away, picked me up off of the blood soaked floor and put me into my bed.

"Don't leave her alone. I need to rest," he left the room and Sookie sat with me at the foot of the bed. I wasn't going to get away with anything with a telepath keeping watch. I lay there, catatonic, with my eyes open until I finally gave way to sleep. The one good thing about sleep since he's been gone are the dreams. He's almost always in them and we are always happy. We talk. He smiles. I don't believe in any of that mystical afterlife shit but there is definitely something to this dream thing. Maybe it is what's left of our blood bond, I don't know.

I awoke to the sight of a hotel security guard in my room and discussions of suicide watch. Part of me sincerely hoped it had all just been a bad dream. But it wasn't. I was awake in a new reality that I had no idea what to do with. My arms and legs were back to normal like nothing had happened and I had no idea why Eric had bothered to save me. The security guard wouldn't let me close the door when I showered.

"Just following orders."

"Ugh."

I got cleaned up and dressed and realized I was starving. I ordered some food and ate while the security guard watched. I had no idea what I was going to do with myself. I had no home without Godric. I didn't want to go back to the nest without his protection. Aside from Isabel, I couldn't stand the rest of the Dallas vamps. The thought of moving back in with Johnny and the band wasn't a pleasant one either. I'd gotten used to life in something other than a bachelor pad and didn't want to go back. Fuck.

My wallowing in self pity was interrupted by Eric who came into my room and sat next to me. I couldn't look him in the eye.

"What do you want?"

"Just checking in," he said flatly. "They didn't give you any sharp objects with that meal did they?"

Funny guy. I rolled my eyes and continued to eat. He watched me silently for a while until I finally decided to clear the air.

"Why did you bother?"

"With?" he played stupid.

"Saving me, jackass. Why did you bother to save me? Did Sookie just beg you or something?"

"No."

"Then why?"

"You didn't want to die," he continued to dodge my questions.

"You don't know that. Quit fucking with me."

He smiled. I think he enjoyed my little tempter tantrums. I amused him which was condescending and frustrating. He finally decided to cut the shit and answered with a straight face.

"Godric told me to take care of you and that's what I'm going to do."

All the air went out of the room.

"Come with me to Shreveport. I'll give you a job at Fangtasia."

"Don't you own some sort of strip club? Do I look like a fucking stripper?"

"Yes," he said with smug, satisfied grin.

"Oh shut the fuck up. No thanks."

"You can play music. With the piano or with the full band, whatever you want."

"Really?" I was shocked. He was serious about this. About taking care of me and giving me a job. An actual job that didn't involve taking my clothes off.

"You don't have to do this, I can take care of myself." I was lying through my teeth.

He stood up and walked out the door. "Pack your stuff and be ready to leave in an hour."

I sighed and knew it was really my only option. I called Isabel and Johnny and explained the situation. They weren't happy to see me go but understood.

As I sat on the bed and waited to leave I finally started to feel, something, again. It was good to feel anything. You have to hit rock bottom to start going up, or however the saying goes. I missed him so much it hurt, but there was some comfort in knowing that he hadn't abandoned me entirely. I don't think you ever get over losing someone you love. There are always bits and pieces of you that are broken. It's just a matter of how well you hide them during the day, or night as it were.

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><p><em>I'm leaving the ending open to add more in a separate story. Hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading. :)<em>


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